Please tell us a little bit about yourself – How would you describe your everyday vanilla life?
Bigreddot: I work during the day and spend my evenings with my dogs and wife enjoying life and making music.
Echo: I work and go to school full time and enjoy spending my free time with animals and doing things outdoors.
Bigreddot: I’m not sure exactly when it was, but early on in life I realized that I started to feel funny when I’d see people getting tied up and kidnapped in movies. As I started to get older I would experiment with tying myself up in simple ways or putting tape over my mouth. It wasn’t until the internet came around that a yahoo search on a whim of “how to tie someone up” led to a bondage website and I started to learn the language and everything about it that I could.
Echo: For me, when I was young I dated someone who was into BDSM and he introduced me to it. I felt like something clicked and being submissive really resonated with me as well as bondage and pain play was something that I began to crave in a relationship.
How you best describe yourself and why? Your choices are: Dominant, Submissive, Switch or Fuzzy Rainbow Unicorn.
Bigreddot: I see myself as more a switch that leans heavier as dominant in a lot of ways. I don’t feel like a sub, but I love to be on the receiving end of bondage. I love the feeling of being restrained and having actions and choices be taken away from me, but I never liked how being a sub meant to submit to someone else. I’ve tried it and always halfway in I get annoyed at the things I’m being made to do and it just wouldn’t click with me. Those times I would have rather to switch places and be in control. However depending on the situation, most times I enjoy being tied up and especially gagged and have no problem with letting all control float away, depending on who it is.
Echo: I am a submissive, specifically a submissive pet. However in the bedroom I do top Bigreddot sometimes when we play because I know he enjoys it. Even when I am topping him I see it as fulfilling his orders and wishes so I don’t feel like I am truly a dominant even in these situations.
Do you feel that your desire for bondage is more physical or emotional? (please elaborate)
Bigreddot: I think in the beginning it was more physical. It was just a good sensation to be in the middle of it. Especially wanting it for years and years before finding somebody who I could even get the nerve to talk to about it let alone do anything. Then, as time and partners went by, it has gone to a more emotional level. Now while it still feels good and enjoyable, it evokes a feeling of closeness and trust that I only give to someone at most special to me that I could do this sort of thing with.
Echo: My desire to be submissive is definitely emotional while my desire to be on the receiving end of bondage and pain play is a mix of physical and emotional. Engaging in BDSM play with my husband gives us a stronger bond and intimacy.
Were lovers accepting of your interest in bondage?
Bigreddot: Most people I’ve dated never even had any idea I was into something like this. I had a girlfriend that I had shared just a sample of it when we had talked about fantasies once or twice, but nothing ever came about it. Another one I had told that I was into it but didn’t seem to reciprocate it, as well as nothing ever happened. It wasn’t until I met my wife that I had found somebody who not only seemed interested in me having an interest in it, as well as being interested in learning a lot more about it to experience it with me. She and I have played many times over the years and have a great time every time.
Echo: As I said before, I was originally introduced to bondage by an exboyfriend, but other than that, for the most part I felt like I had to teach vanilla lovers how to be dominant which was never as fulfilling as being with somebody who was generally interested on their own. After getting frustrated with vanilla relationships I joined a local kink group and played and dated with people who were already interested in BDSM and that’s where I met my husband. ;)
Please briefly describe your first bondage experience.
Together: We’d really like to describe our first bondage experience together. Echo convinced Bigreddot to come over to play (she texted me and suggested that she could tie me up and that was a green flag for me). It was a simple evening where Echo tied Bigreddot to her bed and blindfolded him and used sensation toys on him. It wasn’t much, but encouraged Bigreddot to continue talking to Echo about it more and more and sparked a mutual adventure of kink and fun.
It was the first of many experiences that we shared over the next few months which led to us getting to know each other and finding that we enjoyed each other’s mutual company outside of play and led to dating and eventually we tied the knot a few years later.
What was your best bondage experience?
Bigreddot: For me it was a time shortly after we had discovered vetwrap and the wonders of what it can accomplish. We had set aside a whole day to play and Echo had planned out an elaborate plan to wrap me from head to toe in vetwrap, then to a chair, where I spent a good 4-5 hours completely helpless and at her mercy. She did such an elaborate wrap job that I could only move my head. She changed blindfolds and gags a few times but it always ended with me being silenced with a pair of panties in my mouth, microfoam tape sealing my mouth up and being blindfolded and helpless at her command.
Echo: For me, it was the first time Bigreddot got over his reservations about hurting me and finally gave me a good paddling that had been craving since we started dating. He tied me to the bed and warmed me up with spanking and then used various paddles and floggers until I was screaming for mercy. Afterwards, he untied me and gave me lots of snuggles which is always an important part of aftercare for me.
What is the most creative safeword you have ever used?
Together: Not so creative, but we generally use a red, yellow, green system. Green means good, yellow means slow down and check in, and red means stop immediately. There have been a time or two when heavy gags were involved and we implemented a series of grunts and moans to mean different things, as well as finger snapping when possible.
What do you feel is most important about the experience of bondage?
Bigreddot: I feel like it differs from person to person. In general it’s probably the feeling of trust between two or more people depending on what you’re doing. Trust and safety. Without those two things, we’re experiencing a whole different scenario that usually you hear about on the news. For me personally and aside from that, it’s a feeling of helplessness. When I’m being tied it’s about being unable to escape and to a certain extent not being able to move much. I like the feeling of struggling and not getting anywhere. Also if a blindfold and gag isn’t involved, it feels a little emptier then I would like. If I’m doing the tying, it’s more of a feeling of control and knowing what I’m doing is going to restrict the other person from something: escape, movement, speech, hearing, or seeing. There is a certain feeling of power in taking that away from somebody with whom you are playing and that is a lot of fun, especially if you do it quickly.
Echo: I used to be a big believer in SSC: safe sane and consensual. Over the years I’ve learned that not everything we do is safe and whether or not we’re sane might be debatable, so now I’m a believer in RACK: risk aware consensual kink. What has remained is the consensual part. It’s important for people to know that no matter how scary or unusual BDSM play may seem, that it truly is-or should be-consensual to be true BDSM. That’s why communication is very important before during and after play so that both partners can express their likes dislikes and desires.
What is the best advice you would give to someone just starting out with BDSM?
Bigreddot: like Echo just mentioned, I think communication is key. That, and taking things slow. Find someone you trust and be open with them. Discuss your likes and dislikes and try things out. Don’t make it out to be a scary dark creepy dungeon horror movie where it doesn’t need to be. It can be fun and exciting and everything in between, just take things slow and learn about your partner. See what makes them tick and find what you both enjoy.
Echo: I would tell someone just starting out to research and explore. If you’re already in a relationship approach the subject with your partner as you feel would make them the most open to it. Again, communication is key. If you’re trying to meet someone already involved with the lifestyle, it helps to have a support network in place. Explore learn and experiment but also listen to your gut to keep yourself out of bad situations. While for the most part there are a lot of good people in the community, there are a few bad apples that sometimes like to pray on newbies.
What is your favorite gear, toy or lingerie item from sub-shop.com and why?
Bigreddot: Most recently I think it’s a two-way tie between microfoam tape and the vibrating fantasy c-ring. The tape is always a favorite with how sticky and restrictive it is without the fuss or pain when removed; and the ring has added a new fun sensation to playtime.
What is the one sensual fantasy you haven’t lived out yet that you are excited to try?
Bigreddot: I kind of feel like we’ve explored a majority of the fantasies we’ve had up to this point as we’ve been moving along. Then as we get new ones we share them and talk about it. I do still have one about being robbed in the middle of the night that we haven’t quite done yet, but that’s another story.
Echo : I think for the most part because of the nature of our relationship which is open and trusting, we have already explored each other’s fantasies and continue to do so whenever we play together.
What’s your favorite knock-knock joke?
Bigreddot: knock knock
No, you’re a poo.
Echo: knock knock
Broken pencil who?
Never mind, it’s pointless.
What is Eskimo ice?
Bigreddot: It is a shaved ice treat? Ice made by Eskimos? Ice left over after an Eskimo breathes into the frosty air and his breath freezes and hits the ground? Yeah, I’ll go with that last one.
Echo: I have no idea, is that like a keyword for sexy something?