Autumn's Bondage 101: Erotic Spanking for BDSM Beginners

By Laura

You know how the old saying goes “nothing like a good ol’ spanking”… Am I the only one who has heard of it? Hehe. There are numerous ways you can do one, and that includes the 1 million dollar question: will you use hands or a prop? But in order to get the most out of it, let’s have a look at some considerations to have for the best spanking.

The first one should be a bit obvious but sometimes is overlooked. And that is talking about it beforehand; discuss what is it that turns you on about spankings, what would you like to try and explore and your fantasies. Besides, consider some aspects such, will your partner mind if there’s some bruising and redness afterwards? Will there be any toys involved? Do you guys have any physical alignments that have to be taken into consideration? Besides all of that, the safe word is an important aspect of spanking. Before any action takes place, agree on a safe word that indicates the spanking should stop; it’s also a good idea to have a range from 1 to 10, in order to check out how the spanking is going. Afterwards, choose a fantasy or role play scenario to try out. Remember half of the arousal will come from it, so it’s important that you both decide on it.

Now, focus the spanking on the buttocks. You should avoid impact on and above the outside of the buttocks, the lower thighs, back of the knees, tailbone and where the bottom ends and the thighs begin. If you get out of the safe zone, you can cause damage to the kidneys, tailbone and other important parts. In order to experiment new sensations, you can get the spankee in different positions. For example, if they are lying on a bed, the butt is less stretched. On the other hand, if they are bent over or on their hands and knees, the spanks will usually feel stronger because the butt muscles are stretched out.

Remember you should always warm up your partner a little bit because spanking will increase blood flow. Massage the lower back, butt, thighs and hips and then start with soft spanks. A good trick that I love is to mix other stimulation with it, like genital play or tickling, it’s the best wink*.

Now, whether you are using a prop or your hand, everything will feel different. It can range from a sting to a thud; the sting feels light on the skin, the thud is more penetrating and deeper. Some people have a preference for any of them, others love a combination of both and another group likes the in between. Basically you will have to ask them or experiment and try until you find what is it your partner loves wink*.

If they like the sting, a wooden paddle or wooden spun (even a hairbrush!) can feel excellent. If it’s the thud they like, a heavy paddle or the palm of your hand will achieve that penetrative and resonating stimulation. If you are using your hand, you can experiment using a leather glove and not just a bare hand. If you cup your hand it will create more thud, if you use it flat with fingers opened, it will feel more like a sting. Keep in mind it might be harder to leave bruises on the skin with thuds, but when they do mark the skin, they usually last longer.

Now, as with other activities, rhythm is key wink*. You can either put on some music and keep up with the beat or just change the internal pace you have set up. Play and experiment with different patterns and don’t be afraid to change it up; alternate spanks with strokes, scratches and rubs. Run the bristle side of the hairbrush or run the flogger in the skin after the spanks.

After you have finished the spanking, it’s a good idea to move on to another sexual activity. When the spanking is done you two will probably be incredibly turned on, so go out there and act on your impulse, lovers. Later, when all is said and done, talk about what worked and what didn’t, how you felt and what would you change. There will always be room for improvement, my friend. On the physical aspect, if the spankee has some bruises and/or is a bit sore, you can always rub some arnica gel with a nice massage to relax the muscles. So, so good.